Thailand: Anyone looking for a couple of suckers? You found us.

Our one night and day in Bangkok turned out to be busy and HOT. We're talking step-outside-and-your-skin-is-slick-with-sweat-in-about-10-seconds kind of heat. So after wandering around through a couple of market streets we decided to beat the heat by taking a river cruise. This had been recomended to us, and it sounded pretty great, so we paid a slightly-pricey fare (though lower than his original offer - he thought we were bartering when we started walking away, when we really just needed an ATM!). After following the guy through a maze of market stalls, we found ourselves on a dock out the back of a tiny noodle bar. When our boat pulled up we realized we were to be the ONLY people on it, even though its capacity must have been closer to 20. At this point we were more than a little leery about the sketchy-ness of this whole event, but, like good little tourists, we put aside our likely unfounded fears and stepped on the boat. For the next hour, we were driven past houses (all of which were built on stilts due to the seasonal flooding of the river and most of which were about ready to collapse into the water below) and temples (of which there were MANY). I LOVED it. It was great to see how the locals live, and fun to explore the little "alleys" of this part of the city. I think, if this had happened at the end of our 2 weeks in Asia, we wouldn't even be phased by this, but it was pretty shocking when our boat inexplicably slowed to a stop and a woman selling cheap items rowed up to the side and tried to get us to buy something! Welcome to Asia, I guess!! And, as it turned out, it's quite normal to have just 2 people in the boat - there were loads of others that looked just like ours and carried only 2 or 3 people.

After the boat cruise, we decided to check out the Grand Palace. I'd never heard of it before, but it was the biggest thing on the map we got, and had been recommended to us by two different friends, so we figured we'd better go. When we got to the Palace, a man claiming to work there told us it was just closing for prayer and would re-open at 3:30. He helpfully found a tuk tuk driver to take us to a couple of other sites in the city (both of which had free entry) and then bring us back. Great!

...And that's how we got suckered. The driver first took us to a lesser temple (of which there are hundreds) and which WAS, in fact, free. However, as soon as we arrived, we were ushered to a side building and were told to sit in the indicated chairs, in front of a small-size model of what I assumed was the temple grounds. All the while, a pretty fast-talking Thai guy was chatting us up. I was thinking, "if this guy offers us a timeshare, I'm OUTTA HERE!!" In fact, though, he told us some fairly interesting information and then let us wander around and take photos.

When we got back to the tuk tuk, the driver mumbled something about taking us to two places before the Golden Mountain - which is where we were supposed to be taken next. We tried to insist that we just wanted to go to the Mountain, but the language barrier and our inherent Canadian politeness prevented us from being very firm. When he stopped and told us to go into a shop, I tried again to refuse. But he said something about staying only 5 minutes, so we obliged him. Until we walked into the shop. I took one step in (Joe hadn't even had time to follow me through the door yet), saw that it was a massive tourist-trap-jewellery shop, and turned straight back around again.

Needless to say, the driver was NOT pleased. He tried to tell us that he gets petrol coupons if we stay for 5 minutes, so when he pulled up in front of the SECOND unscheduled stop, we tried to just pay him off so we could keep driving. But he claimed we'd have to give him 200 Thai baht (keeping in mind this whole roundabout journey was costing 40), we resigned ourselves to spending a very unhappy 5 minutes inside the tailors.

Which we did.

And then Joe bought something.

Haha... I couldn't believe it! Oh well, it was cheap!

When the driver tried to drive us to a THIRD place, I was sick of being taken advantage of and swindled. So I put my foot down and demanded he take us to the Golden Mountain. I was ready for some free sightseeing with no strings attached, darn it!! So he finally gave in and drove us straight there.

Are you ready for this?

It was by donation. And the collectors were standing there, guarding the entrance... so you couldn't really not pay something.

Are you freakin' KIDDING me?

We were tired and fed up. Straight back down the mountain and into the tuk tuk. It was dang near enough 3:30 so we insisted he take us back to the Grand Palace.

When we got there, it was time to pay. "40?" I confirmed (this was clearly what we agreed to at the outset - it was even WRITTEN on our map. "50." Dude. You're seriously going to try and negotiate this? So not happening. "40." [Insert stern-Ms.Chorney-you-are-not-getting-away-with-anything voice here] I'm sorry, what's that? You don't have change for a 50. Of course you don't. Yeah, yeah, we'll take all your little change and call it good enough. Good grief.

So, exhausted and frustrated and mostly just amused ('cause how could you NOT be after all that?), we finally approached the Grand Palace, donned our extra clothes (it's respectful and thus necessary to wear long pants and sleeves), and approached the ticket counter.

only to find out that... Not only was it NOT closed in the afternoon, but it was actually CLOSING at 4:30!! We'd been swindled from the start...

The Grand Palace is, without contest, the most ostentatiously decorated collection of buildings I've ever seen. Every surface of every wall and ceiling has been attacked by some ruler with a serious bedazzled addiction. There was gold everywhere. Everything was over-sized and over-sparkled. Crazy. As someone else mentioned, you could take the jewels off one wall and feed the country for a year (or fix a couple of those about-to-collapse houses we'd seen on the river cruise).

Leaving the Grand Palace and wandering around the streets again, we decided we were far too hot and exhausted by this point to spend the afternoon checking out cookie-cutter temples (besides, after the Palace, what could be impressive anymore?). So we headed back to the Hostel for a little siesta; on the way, I experienced my first "welcome to Thailand..." moment - I got hit by a scooter! It was just a little brush of his mirror on my arm (don't worry, Mom! no major injuries!), but it was still quite shocking and, I suppose, bound to happen at some point. Driving in SE Asia is insane. While Joe slept, I reflected on the day and what we'd seen. This is a country with an entirely different way of life from ours. Everything they do is affected by the climate and the social environment - the way they dress, travel, eat and act. I find it fascinating how all of these things are connected.

We couldn't leave Bangkok without having a few more "when we were in Thailand" moments, so we headed back to Khao San Road in the evening. The most amusing part of the night was definitely the live music at the bar we chose for a drink. I picked that particular bar because there was a dude playing a guitar; what I didn't realize (and didn't even hear until it was pointed out to me) was that, even though he was singing English rock/pop songs, he'd clearly learned them phonetically. So he was singing most of the correct consonants... but when you really listened to it, it was mostly jibberish. As Joe commented, it was just like how all English people sing "La Bamba" - no one actually knows the words, but we all just make things up that kind of sound like they could be right!

We also enjoyed a nice little (and ridiculously cheap) Thai massage, a fish pedicure (Joe had one that night, and I did it on our last day) and....let's see... anything else? Oh, that's right.

We ate crickets.

They were very crunchy, mostly just tasted like the spices they'd been cooked with, and the little legs and antennae got stuck in your teeth. But you know what? They weren't bad. Not bad at all.