12-month Hiatus

About six weeks ago, a major change occurred in my life. Everything has been affected: my daily routine, my future career potential, even some of my relationships. This change came as a result of A LOT of personal consideration, input from friends and family, and (most important of all) the fact that I finally allowed myself to let go of something I’ve been holding on to for years now. In short, I’m about six weeks into a 12-month hiatus from teaching.

When I say it took a long time to come to the conclusion that this was what I needed and THEN to finally take the jump and do it, I’m not kidding. For a year now, I’ve been feeling unhappy and unsatisfied with my teaching career. And really, it’s been even longer than that. But as soon as I got to England, and starting teaching again after the month-break I’d had prior, I felt such anxiety whenever I thought about stepping into a classroom that I was forced to take a look at my chosen vocation. And I realized that I’d been feeling that way for much, much longer – I just hadn’t allowed myself to acknowledge how I felt. I’d been on the path to teaching for so long, and spent so many hours (and dollars!) working towards that goal. How could I give it up? Wasn’t I, as everyone I knew constantly reminded me, born to be a teacher?

In order to put into print the conversation I’ve had on very many occasions recently... I present to you...

“The Top 3 Most Likely Questions That Have Popped Into Your Head As You’ve Been Reading This Blog Post”

1.       But Angela, wouldn’t it be better if you had your own class?
Maybe. It’s definitely possible. But if subbing is the only part I don’t like, if it’s just the “newness” of each and every day, if it was the teaching I loved and if I could just do that part without all the uncertainty of being a TOC... then at some point during the day, when the “newness” has worn off and I know the kids and we’re in a groove and it’s all going well and I even planned part or all of the day... at some point, I should sit back and think, “I can’t believe I get paid for this. I love being a teacher.”

But I don’t.

I cannot say when the last time was that I felt that. I’m not sure I ever did. And that makes me nervous. What if I’m actually putting in all this sucky time of dealing with being a TOC, and then eventually, after years and years of hating this and feeling this unhappy, when I finally get my “own class” (the thing that’s supposed to solve all of the negative feelings I have right now)...I’m still this unhappy. What then?

2.       Well Angela, was it just teaching in London that you didn’t enjoy? You know the kids there are really bad, right? First of all, the kids I taught in London weren’t any different from the kids I teach in Canada. Kids are kids. Some kids have more behaviour difficulties than others, and that requires a little more attention and work on my part, but they’re NOT “bad”. And the work I did in London was very similar to that of Victoria, even sometimes easier because I never had to plan anything myself. So no, teaching in London did not make me hate teaching.

I did, however, spend A LOT of my “living in London” time contemplating why it was that I seemed so much more unhappy with it while I was there. And I think it all comes down to balance. When I was subbing in Victoria, before I left for England, I was also maintaining a part-time job. A job I loved. A job that made me feel like I was helpful and appreciated. A job I looked forward to going to, because I knew my time there would be productive, helpful and fun. So even though I was teaching a lot, I always got to fill my “other-than-teaching time” with this other job. I didn’t have time to be unhappy with my work, because the “less than satisfying” part was balanced with the “very satisfying” part. Once I got to London, ALL I did was teach. So I started spending EVERY day unhappy and I started losing sleep over how anxious I felt about that.

So I came back. And I went back to teaching. A lot. And I was STILL not feeling happy. In fact, I was feeling quite UNHAPPY. So again, I can say, with total certainty, it was NOT just “teaching in London” that made me unhappy. It was “teaching”.

3.       Oh Angela, what if you tried a specialty?

I’ve thought a lot about that too. And I’m actually currently still enrolled in a course that would lend itself to becoming a Reading Specialist, who could help kids who struggle with reading and writing. And I’ve even looked into quite a few Masters Of Education programs, thinking that maybe I could continue studying Learning Assistance or Gifted Education (both of which interest me very much). But at this point, I think it’s the learning part that interests me. I’m enjoying the challenge of learning again, more than picturing myself actually working in this capacity in the future. So... all I can say on that front is, “we’ll see.”

And so, the hiatus. A friend of mine connected me with a job that offered a 12-month fulltime contract in an office environment similar to that part-time job I mentioned, after which I can go straight back into teaching (if I want to) or continue with the current job (if I want to and if there’s an extension available) or try secret-as-yet-unknown-option-three (something else entirely).

And heck, standing in front of a classroom with 24 expectant faces staring at me is certainly not the only way to use the training I have. I believe in Educating and in Education. So maybe my path is to work in Admin, but still related to teaching. Maybe I’ll end up working for the Ministry of Education. Maybe I’ll find my way back in to a School Admin position. Who knows?

The bottom line is, I just refuse to accept that I have to spend the rest of my life doing something that makes me feel unhappy and unsatisfied. Maybe that’s naive. But heck, I’m still pretty young. If I’m going to be unrealistic and idealistic about the world, and throw away my career to find another one, at least I don’t have any dependents relying on me for an income. So I figure, THIS is the time to be brave and start again.

Or at least to take 12 months to think about it (and make some steady income in the meantime).

Overheard by a Canadian: Episode 10

More of a conversation this time, but still super-cute.

After opening a thermos full of soup for a student in my Grade 1 class:
Me: "It's because of my super strength. I'm a superhero."

Kid: "You can't be a superhero!"

Me: "Why not?"

Kid: "Because Mr.Parker [the Principal] already is one!"

Me: "Well, can't we have TWO superheroes at this school?"

Kid: "No! *pause*  But you can be his sidekick!"

Overheard by a Canadian: Episode 10

In a Year 2 class, after I'd finished a Robert Munsch story:

Boy: "That was WICKED!"
Me: "Do you like Robert Munsch as much as I do?"
*boy cocks his head and thinks for a moment*
Boy: "um...no."
Me: "But you just said the story was wicked!"
Boy: "oh. oh yeah. Okay, then yes."

Overheard by a Canadian: Episode 10

A child in Year 2 who heard another child mention Pepsi:

"Pepsi? I don't like Pepsi. Do you know what Pepsi is made from? Bugs. Cockroaches and bugs."


That's real science, people.

Games That Kids Think Are Fun

I've been teaching a lot of Foundation Stage lately (Nursery and Reception, or the equivalent of Preschool and Kindergarten). There's a LOT of play-based learning at this stage, which means a significant part of my job is to get down-and-dirty and engage with the kids through play.

The following is a selection of sustained (as in, approximately 20-30 minutes) activities that have been ridiculously amusing for my students:

The "I Feel Like I'm on a Date" game: In this "game", one child and I took turns asking each other questions, which we then both had to answer. We learned A LOT about each other, delving into such "what's your favourite....?" topics as colour, toy and place in the room.

The "Put Your Hood on Because It's Cold Out" game: This was actually a repeated request. It was so cold the other day that the kids were all made to zip up their coats and put their hoods up. A few had fallen back as they ran around, so I said "put your hood back on!" while flicking it back onto one kid's hat. Within a few minutes, I had a crowd of about 7 of them surrounding me, each dramatically tossing their hoods off every time I put it back on, just so I'd do it again. I'm sure the squeals of excitement and raucous laughter belied the simplicity of what we were actually doing.

The "Ms.Chorney is Tired So She's Going To Make Up a Game That Forces Her To Stand Still" game: I think this one is my personal favourite. Especially since another teacher later asked me about the game, and wanted me to explain the rules to her because she'd never seen it played before. Well, DUH! I just MADE IT UP! Anyway, I told one kid to go and get me a "magic wand" because we were going to play "Magician" and I got to be the Magician. I waved around shouting "Bibbity, Boppity, [insert animal name here]!" The kids then had to run around acting like that animal, then come back to me so I could "turn them into" something else. The beauty of this one lies in its requirement for child activity AND teacher laziness. Sometimes I really think I am a genius.

The "Jaws Theme Song" game: Here's the premise for this one: I sit down (notice a theme here?) and pull one kid at a time onto my lap. I open and close my hands while doing the 'nah NAH, nah NAH' bit, then tickle them at the climax of the tune. The kid squeals with delight and squirms his or her way off my lap. Immediately, a hoard of other children are pushing their way towards me, shouting "do it to me AGAIN!" Seriously, who BEGS to be tickled over and over again?? Crazy kids...

Overheard by a Canadian: Episode 8

Teaching Nursery (age 4) today:

Child: "Where are you from?"
Me: "I'm from Canada!"
Child: "Which bus do you take to get to Canada?"


Child 1 (to another child): "Look at this tower I just made!"
Child 2: "Oh, that's lovely! I really like that!"
(you have to picture this one with a cute little British accent to appreciate how adorable it was!)


Me: "What does a dog say?"
Child: "Woof, woof!"

Me: "What does a cat say?"
Child: "Miao, miao"

Me: "What does a teacher say?"
Child: "Shush, shush!" (with finger to lips and everything)


Haha... quite the adorable day!

Angela, where have you been?

I haven't been blogging much lately. But never fret! More posts are on their way. By way of explanation, I've been sick all week AND working too hard. In case you've missed the drama of life lately, here's a bit of what's been going on:

When I arrived in London on January 13th (five weeks ago), and had my interview with my agency the following day (a Friday), I was intending to do Supply work here for the remainder of the school year (which is akin to TOCing in Canada, or "subbing" for the non-teacher readers).

However.

The first working week I was given a "temporary" posting for the week. It was a Year 1 class of 30 kids (which is standard here - be ever-so-thankful for smaller class sizes, Canada!). I quickly realized they were going to be a handful, but heck, I could survive anything for a week, right?

Five weeks later, I have not yet seen the inside of another classroom. The teacher I'm covering for has had a respiratory infection, and every single week she thinks she just needs "one more" week off before her doctor gives her the go-ahead to go back to work. So every single week I just put my head down and barrel through another week of struggle with this class. And every single Friday, the Head comes in and asks me to stay for "just one more week." A few weeks ago, I committed to the school, my agency, the parents, the kids and myself that I would stay however long it took for the teacher to return. I was already the third Supply the class had had, and I didn't want them to have to deal with another transition. So I was in it. I was committed.

But I never really had any idea how I would feel at the end of it all.

Before I left Canada, everyone warned me that "the kids are bad in England." In response, I repeated my feelings that "kids aren't bad, but the way they are managed can be." Since I've only been in this one class, I still can't really comment on "the kids in England" (my scope is still too small to do so fairly). But what I CAN comment on is the 30 kids I've gotten to know quite well.

There are about 5 that are ... challenging (see what I did there? that's the polite Canadian TOC in me).  Three are just attention-seeking and need some training about appropriate behaviour at school. If I was going to be with this class long-term, I feel confident (thanks in large part to Cindy Brown) I could work with them to improve their behaviour and (as a result) be able to teach them and the rest of the class in a much better and more productive way.

One doesn't speak English, so he thinks he can get away with being silly (and sometimes downright mean) because he "can't understand me." He's a very sweet and cute little guy, though, and I have a soft spot in my heart for him. When I first got here, he spoke VERY limited English and could not string two words together to form a sentence. Asking to go to the bathroom was a simple word, "Toilet?" Fast forward five weeks, and he now says, "Excuse me, can I go to the toilet?" This is a huge language leap for him, and I'm so proud. Last week, I had the kids survey each other about their favourite colours. With this little guy, I walked around with him, modeling what he was supposed to do and pointing to the kids' names on the sheet so he could record their answers. After a few kids, he got the idea and started asking "Colour?" With every few kids or so, his question evolved to "Favourite colour?" then "What's your favourite colour?" then "Alex, what's your favourite colour?" and finally (with PERFECT pronunciation and diction) "What's your favourite colour, Ramon?" (he even moved the words around in the sentence!). I nearly cried I was so proud!

The last... well I'm at a bit of a loss about him. He needs help. He needs one-on-one support. He's not handling himself well in the classroom, at playtime, or at any time really. I've done everything I've been trained to do to support and help him. But he needs coping strategies that I am not prepared to teach him. I feel for this kid, because I see the sweet and funny child in him. But his anger takes control of him too often and he's not getting the support he needs to be successful. I hate that we see this situation all too often. In a perfect world, there would be endless money available so that kids like him could get the attention and support he needs. I fear for his future success in the school system and in life, and I pray he works it all out and gets it together. For now, though, he takes an inordinate amount of my energy and attention and pulls me away from the other 29 kids in my class way too often. This is exhausting for me and unfair to the rest of the class!

Apart from these five little monkeys, and a few others that act up and are too chatty, and the one that has a possible Dyslexia problem, and a few that are unable to recognize their letters and sounds let alone write a story (which my top kids are doing wonderfully), I have a pretty wonderful little group. They are undisciplined and noisy, but I've been told by several teachers that they are "way better with me than they were before." I feel so good knowing that I've made some kind of difference. A few of the parents have approached me this week to thank me for staying through the transition and for doing a good job with the kids. Apparently they talk about me at home :)

Five weeks ago, I would have said I was more than happy to give this class back to their teacher. But now, I don't really want to let them go. I would be happy to keep them through the end of the year. If I knew I was going to have them long-term, I would feel free to make even more changes to the structure of the classroom and the strategies I use with the difficult ones. I could really turn this class around and have fun doing it.

And knowing where I was going the next day was nice too. I have to admit, I'm not really looking forward to the Supply game, now that I've been away from it for so long. So...we'll see how that goes.

Add to these daily challenges the fact that I was asked to provide Reading, Writing and Maths targets for all 30 kids this week, PLUS the fact that I got sick and the cold lasted all week due to the overworking and lack of sleep... and you can see the reason for the lack of blogging :)

Besides, blogging isn't something I feel any pressure to do regularly. Right from the start, I warned that it would be irregular and random. I blog when I feel like it and when I have something worth "musing" about, not because I feel like I owe anyone another post. As soon as I start to feel pressure to do it, I'll stop it altogether.

Hope you are all doing well. I've moved past the Honeymoon stage of moving to another city, and I'm starting to miss my friends and family back home. I love you all... drop me a line when you feel like it and let me know what's going on in YOUR lives!

Overheard by a Canadian: Episode 4

In a Year 1 class, while discussing "double number sentences" (eg. 2+2=4, for those of you non-teachers!)

Me: "Could you make a double number sentence with the answer being 5?"

Student: "Yes."

Me: [giving the 'try again' face]. "Really?"

Student: "two-and-a-half plus two-and-a-half equals five."


These kids are just too smart!

Overheard by a Canadian: Episode 3

During a Year 1 discussion (at a Catholic Primary School) on why we need to Bible to help us remember things about Jesus.

"It's because we weren't ... well, maybe YOU were, ... but us kids weren't alive when Jesus was."


Yeah, 'cause I'm 2000 years old. Previous to today, the oldest a child had guessed about me was age 40. But now apparently I'm pushing 2000! Gotta say... I look GOOD for my age!

Overheard by a Canadian: Episode 2

In a Year 1 class, during a unit on "where our food comes from".

Child 1: "Miss, how can you tell between the eggs that we eat and the eggs that have chickens in them?"

Child 2: "The hens can't have eggs with chickens in them unless they have husbands!"



Um...yes...sort of...

A SECOND Day in the Life

Day 2's recap requires a little less explanation:

• not raining
• not late
• totally organized
• crazy-kid-that-I-was-warned-about pretty much did a 180degree turn in behaviour, largely in part to the sticker-reward system implemented by his TA and followed-through by me
• HOWEVER, two other kids started acting out like crazy, because they "wanted a sticker chart too"
• actually had time to EAT my lunch during the break
• HOWEVER, got just a few too many details about a staff member's current attempts to get pregnant right now... ah, well, it was nice to have someone to chat with! 
• met my new "from-Victoria-now-living-in-London" friend Anna for delicious (and cheap!) pasta dinner.

It's aaaaallllllll goooodddddd.....

A Day in the Life

A record of my first day of UK Supply:

6:30am: Alarm rings. I am tired. VERY tired. I still have not fully adjusted to the time change, plus I was pretty ridden with anxiety last night over my first day ("will I get there on time? will the students be as difficult to manage as everyone says? what if it's crazy but they like me and I have to go back all week? what if they DON'T like me? what if my alarm doesn't go off in the morning? what if...? what if...? what if...?"). So it's an early morning. I still feel all of those insecurities and worries as I get ready to leave the house, but I also have the "I can do this" calm that I get every morning before tackling a new teaching assignment. Most of this anxiety isn't new - I felt it when I taught in Victoria too. But there are a few added stresses doing it for the first time here.

7:15...well, 7:20am (okay, I admit, I was running a tad late): Leave the house. And, for the first time since I arrived, it's raining. Of course it is. I'm carrying my shoulder bag, my lunch, my teaching bag, an A-Z map of London book and a tube map. Oh, and an umbrella. I look (and feel) ridiculous. And I'm getting wet. Of course, I'm also getting warm, because, for the third time in four days, I've worn too many layers before hoofing it to the tube station, and I'm sweating already. Now that's attractive.

8:40am: I'm lost. And late. The first few legs of my walk-tube-walk-train-walk-bus-walk trip (seriously, that's the easiest route to the school) go pretty well. But apparently there's a difference between Kentish Town West (on the Overground Line) and Kentish Town (on the National Rail Line). Who knew? I find myself at the wrong end of town, searching for a bus station that is nowhere to be found. I must look pretty distressed at this point, because a very nice man asks me if I need some help. He directs me to Kentish Town Road, where he says I'll find the station I'm looking for so that I can find the bus stop located outside of it. His directions aren't exactly correct, but miraculously, the bus I need goes up this street and I am able to get on it (after some more help from a couple of teenage girls who don't really know much more than I do). Phew, I'm on the bus. I check with the bus driver, and yes, I'm definitely on the right bus.
But wait, there's more. Because of the mix-up and all of my extra walking around, I'm now sure I'm going to be getting to the school JUST in the knick of time, if not late. I am feeling TERRIBLE about being late! I can deal with everything else, but I've NEVER been late to a school placement and I can't believe I'm starting now! I phone the Office so they can phone the school to let them know. He asks me if the stops are being announced, because that's the only way I'll know when to push the STOP button on the bus. And yes, that's right, I'm on the one bus in the city whose announcing mechanism STOPS working about halfway through my trip. So I have no idea when to get off the bus. Time to bug the bus driver... again. "This is the bus to Meadow Drive station, isn't it? The announcement will come on for Meadow Drive, won't it? I haven't missed Meadow Drive station, have I? This woman DEFINITELY knows where I'm going.
Finally, we get to the right bus stop (she announces it personally with her microphone, even though I'm sitting 2 rows from the front), and I get off (still carrying loads of things, trying to balance an umbrella and hitching up my pants so that I don't arrive looking completely like a drowned rat with wet pant-bottoms).

8:50am: School starts. Oh, and I arrive at the school at the same time. Awesome. As any of you teachers reading this will understand, this is pretty much stress-central right here: I'm walking in unprepared, every adult I speak to warns me that this class is "chatty" (which is universal code for "misbehaving"), and they've had 3 supply teachers (TOCs, for those of you in Canada!) in the last 3 weeks. Awesome. Luckily, I have a prep for the first 30min, so I'm able to get a handle on things (a bit, but not nearly enough, as my 9:30 lesson requires set-up).

12:00pm: Lunch. The kids leave the room and I embrace the sudden quiet. You don't realize how loud they are until they aren't there! I assess how I'm doing at this point. I've been a bit haggard this morning, running to keep up and not really feeling on top of my game (and no, I don't give myself any leeway for it being my first day - I'm a professional and I should always be my best!). I couldn't find some of the materials listed in the lesson plans I was given, so I just made do with what I could. The other Year 1 (Grade 1) teacher touched base with me in the morning and mentioned that it was okay for me to deviate from the lesson plan as long as I covered the topics in a similar way. So that's what I've been doing. They learned the right things, just not the same WAY they would have from their teacher. And that's okay.
I take full advantage of the 1h15min lunch break to get myself ready for the coming afternoon.

3:20pm: Dismissal. The afternoon has gone much smoother. We've all had a chance to get comfortable with each other, I was much more on-the-ball after that lunchtime cup of coffee, and the students were engaged and working hard. Aside from a lot of chatter (and I don't necessarily mean misbehaviour this time, just noisiness) and the two kids who decided to punch each other during the afternoon playtime (recess), things went well and I'm feeling a lot better about the day (and about myself as a teacher too!). And you know what, those cute little British accents made it all okay in the end :)  (How CUTE is it to hear "Miss, can I go to the toilet?" about 15 times while supervising the break?) And the kids and I are enjoying each other. One student walked straight up to me, gave me a big hug and said, with a huge grin, "Miss, I like you!". Another made me a card: "Miss Corni. I like you." Pretty darn adorable!

4:00pm: Call from my Agency. A woman from the agency calls to ask how my first day went (I have to say, they have been quite helpful and supportive today!), and to let me know that the school would like me back for the rest of the week (there's a couple of those anxiety points taken care of - they like me AND I want to go back!). So I spend another half hour in the classroom getting ready for tomorrow. There are a few things I'll need to get ready in the morning, but I'm pretty much ready to go and feeling much better.

4:30pm: On my way home. I've morphed back into a tourist (ugh!). Determined to figure out the CORRECT route between the school and my house, I take out the A-Z map (it's a book filled with all of the street maps in London) and follow the bus's route with my finger. Eventually (with a little texting help from my super roommate), I make it home unharmed (ah, so THAT'S where the Kentish Town station is!). Oh, besides the giant puddle I walked beside at the same time someone drove through it. Awesome. Now my feet are drenched with puddle water.

6:00pm: I'm home. A couple of Skype dates with Mom and Teci (yay!), and my day is officially over. I close my bedroom door, hibernate inside watching old episodes of The Big Bang Theory and work on crocheting a hat (and I think I'm actually going to keep this one for myself). This is my happy place. And hopefully I'll sleep better tonight!