London PRIDE

London's Most Fabulous were out and about for the PRIDE festival and they did not disappoint. In the spirit of celebration, I have decided to name the best and worst of the day.

And so, ladies and gentlemen, the award goes to...


Best phrase on a t-shirt - there's a tie in this category, because I just can't decide between "It's exhausting being this fabulous" and "Some people are gay. Get over it."

Best phrase uttered by a gay man - "that's so gay. " I befriended the gay couple beside me, and they, of course, were judging the train wrecks (or, as they called them, "gays without a cause") right along with me. The two of them reserved this particular phrase for those whom another gay friend I know would deem "unforgivably gay".

Best Protest against a Protest - the gay men and women waving rainbow flags and chanting "God loves everyone!!" as a response to religious picketers.

Best crowd I've yet seen in Trafalgar Square - I've now joined the crowd on both Chinese New Year and Canada Day, and this day probably saw more people milling around Trafalgar than both of them combined. The announcer said that over 1 million people were participating in the day's festivities - that's a LOT of people supporting PRIDE! Well done, London!
     edit: Since drafting this post, I've been reminded that I was also there for the Royal Wedding... during which the entire area AROUND Trafalgar was also packed. I also attended the Harry Potter premiere there more recently than PRIDE, and I had to stand in the middle of the street OUTSIDE the square just to see the screen. So I'm still giving PRIDE an award for excellent supporter turnout... but I suppose it's not the best crowd I've seen there.

Best show of support without flaunting promiscuity - while last year's Vancouver PRIDE day was amazing, I had to admit that the thing it seemed to promote the most was a promiscuous lifestyle. On the other hand, London's parade had 0 naked people prancing about, 0 packages of lubricant handed out, and very few clubs represented. Instead, there were loads of political, school, and religious groups whose supporters were happy to dress (somewhat) more conservatively and be just as proud of their support of the GLTB community.

and now for the worst...

Worst evangelistic idea (possibly ever...) -  set up right next to (and I do mean right next to, as in directly beside) the parade route were a group of men and women holding signs with Biblical verses printed on them. The preacher, oblivious to the crowd and its disinterest or disapproval, carried on with his (to most of this crowd) incomprehensible "Christianese" speech. I get that you think you are acting in love, and I understand where you stand on this issue, but come on... Did you really think that you were going to convert the masses this way? In this location, on this day? Give your head a shake.

Worst wardrobe malfunction - one of the drag queens in the parade was sporting ridiculously high heels, which clearly had been damaged at some point in the festivities. And the method of fixing chosen? Packing tape. Ugly, brown packing tape. I mean, honestly! You couldn't have used some ribbon, as I saw another queen doing? Wardrobe fail.

Worst handout of free swag - pamphlets and stickers. And that's it. No lollipops, drinks, condoms, flags or mardi-gras-style necklaces (all of which are handed out like they're going out of style at both the Victoria and Vancouver PRIDE festival parades). Lame. But, on the bright side... I didn't have to figure out what to do with all of that stuff afterward!!

Overheard by a Canadian: Episode 10

In a Year 2 class, after I'd finished a Robert Munsch story:

Boy: "That was WICKED!"
Me: "Do you like Robert Munsch as much as I do?"
*boy cocks his head and thinks for a moment*
Boy: "um...no."
Me: "But you just said the story was wicked!"
Boy: "oh. oh yeah. Okay, then yes."

Royal Ascot

To be fair, I hadn't heard of it before moving to England. But as soon as I got here, people were telling me it was a not-to-be-missed event. This is a day marked on high society's social calendar. The Queen even attends (and yes, we did see her as she processed along the race track in an open carriage - and this time I had a front-row seat)!

And so, I donned my large-brimmed hat, dressed up all fancy-like (which, if you've spent much time with me you'll know, is quite the rare occurrence) and headed to the races. And it was Fabulous-with-a-capital-F! Every gentleman and lady was dressed to the nines. There are actually dress codes that must be adhered to, and they vary depending on the ticket you purchase. But regardless of station, nearly every woman had donned a hat, or the ever-popular fascinator. Men wore suits and tuxes with tails (with major hot-points going to those who chose to add a top hat).

The races themselves were actually quite exciting. Although I didn't bet anything, I chose a favourite for each race (based on the highly scientific method of "which horse has the best name?"). I did pretty well, actually, for the first half of the day... But my method fell apart a bit after that and it was probably a good thing I didn't have any actual money on the line!

But even without having any vested interest in who won, it was still exhilarating to watch. The excitement of the crowd tangibly swelled around me as the horses approached and the race neared the finish line. Various names were shouted as betters cheered on their steed. And everyone else, like me, just shouted and cheered for the fun of it!

I couldn't help but notice the horses and jockeys responding to the energy of the crowd too. As they neared the finish line, I could see the horses' muscles working so hard, and the jockeys urging their animal to go faster and harder. It was almost as if the two of them fused into one muscular and powerful being. I know that sounds a bit hokey and poetic, but honestly, I've never seen anything like it!

And after all the races had concluded, I headed over to the Bandstand with Richard and Pippa for a good old-fashioned bandstand singalong. And I'm so glad I did! It was definitely a highlight of the day. Little union jacks were waving all over the place as the slightly-inebriated crowd belted out tunes by the likes of ABBA and The Beatles. The people were loudest, however, when they clutched their hearts, flung their arms over each other's shoulders and swayed gently back and forth for the more traditional English tunes: God Save the Queen, for one. This was English patriotism like I've never seen it, and quite something to behold. Definitely worth staying for.

Thailand: The Return Journey

After our 10 days in Vietnam, it was time for Joseph and I to venture back out on our own and leave our new friends. I was unexpectedly quite sad to leave them! I guess I hadn't really considered that I would make some true friends on this trip. So to our "Back Of The Bus Brigade" (Aimee, Buckles, Casey, Moby and Allan), along with our new London friends (Nathalie and Jarlath) and our always fabulous Kiwi girls (Jenna and Emma), I just want to say that I do miss you and hope that our paths cross again! You will always have a couch to crash on whenever you choose to visit!

But enough with the sappy stuff...

On our way back to London, Joe and I had 3 flights and a long layover in Bangkok. So of course, this was a recipe for more adventure and even more mishap!

It started at the airport in Hanoi. After going through Passport Control, we were standing in the security line when a guard approached me, asked for my passport...

...and then ran away.

Yes. You read that correctly. He ran away with my passport!! After a stunned moment, I gave chase! He was absolutely NOT getting my passport out of my sight! I followed him to two different secure areas where I was clearly not allowed to be standing, but I didn't care. Without much English, no one was really able to tell me what the problem was. I could see (since I stood behind them as they entered information into their computers) that my details were producing some kind of error message. After about 10minutes (and what FELT like an hour!) they just handed it back to me and sent me on my way. They should really make it a part of border guard training that it is inadvisable to seize innocent passengers' passports and then run away. Someone should really tell them that doing so is likely to induce mild panic. I would even be willing to provide a first-hand account, proving this, if they'd like. Really. I wouldn't mind.

Once we got back to Bangkok, we decided to make our way into the city, mostly for a way to kill our nine free hours. On the subway, we met and started chatting with a man who told me he was 65 years old and still travels all the time and moves from city to city every few years when he gets restless. I love this. I hope that when I'm 65 I still have the energy and love for travel that I do now. I guess I always assumed that I'd have to give up my own tendency to get bored with a city after a few years. But maybe not...

The thing we noticed most about being back in Bangkok was that the system of bartering is much different from that in Vietnam. The shop owners just seem much less interested in bringing down their asking price. In Vietnam, we were getting things for half or even a third of the original price, once we got used to playing the game. But in Thailand, low-balling and walking away just didn't have the same effect.

We have a few personal theories to explain this (none of which are based on anything resembling research or fact, mind you): it could be that this city, and the Khao San area in particular, are frequented by more tourists, so shop owners are less motivated to do business with each one. It could also be that this influx of tourists has accepted higher prices, and over time the average or accepted price has been driven ever higher. We also postulated that it could have something to do with the initial mark-up; if it's lower here than in Vietnam, then it could be that the selling price needs to be nearer the first offer in order to maintain a profit. And finally, we wondered if it could be related to the standard of living here; perhaps the people of Bangkok require a higher sales level to afford the same necessities as their Vietnamese counterparts.

~~~~~

Overall, the two weeks I spent in Southeast Asia were absolutely amazing. This trip, as I've mentioned, was completely unlike any other I've been on.

I learned a few things about myself too. For one, I am absolute rubbish at bartering. Mind you, I did get a little better after practicing so much, but I'm still not very good. I just can't get past the fact that the amount we're haggling over is so insignificant to me, and would be so valued by the shop owner! I also saw in myself a certain hesitancy to take advantage of opportunities. Most of the time this was driven by funding issues (either not being able to afford the activity or not having regular access to my money due to the credit card problems I had). But I kind of wish I was more of the type of person who just did things, without really thinking about it. I want to be able to come home thinking that I took advantage of every opportunity. An area for growth, I guess.

I also learned some things about Joe... spending every minute with someone for two solid weeks will do that! I think the most enlightening fact is that Joe can literally sleep anywhere at any time!! He would say to me, "I think I'm going to fall asleep for a bit..." and then BAM! he was asleep, just like that. I took to calling him "Captain Narcolepsy", a nickname that has actually kind of stuck! (he referred to himself as such just this past weekend, and we got back nearly a month ago!)

Vietnam: Same, Same, but Different

"Same same, but different" - it's a phrase often used to explain things in Vietnam. It's usually set up as a comparison between something we'd be familiar with and the particular item being described. But it also became somewhat of a mantra for us throughout the trip, and many of us even bought the t-shirt.

And, as it turned out, our last few days in 'Nam were just that: "same, same, but different." Same beautiful scenery, same busy schedule, but different adventures.

Our stories-to-be-told from Hanoi began the moment we stepped off the bus. One of the women we'd seen lugging baskets draped from poles accosted Jenna as we stepped out at our hotel. Since Jenna didn't want to buy her pineapples, the woman just hefted her pole onto Jenna's shoulder. The idea here, of course, was that someone would take Jenna's photo, and then the woman would charge her for that picture. Well, when a different woman tried it with ME a few minutes later, I decided to play a bit of a trick myself. At Joe's suggestion, when she refused to take the pole and baskets back from me, I just turned and started walking down the street! Completely ignoring her protests, I walked about a half a block down the street before she started getting a bit panicked and heaved on the basket to stop me. Needless to say, she didn't bother asking me for any money!!

On our way to the Temple of Literature that afternoon, our local guide, Friday (thanks for the Rebecca Black interlude there, Joseph...) told us a bit about the city. Since we were back in the land of crazy traffic, he told us that there is actually a scooter for every two people in the city, and that 70% of the population travels this way. No wonder we were seeing them everywhere and avoiding about a million of them every time we tried to cross the street!

I found the gates to the Temple (which was later converted to a University) the most fascinating part. The characters at the top of it read "heart" and they've inscribed "intelligence" over the exit door. The idea is that the university looked for people to admit who had integrity and a good spirit, THEN trained them to be knowledgeable while they were there.

~~~~~

The final stop on our tour was an overnight junk boat to Halong Bay. This is a collection of nearly 2000 islands, which made for an absolutely stunning view as we sailed along. We visited a beautiful cave system as well as going kayaking through a bit of a cave and next to some beautiful cliffs. This was, of course, a huge highlight for ocean-loving me!

photo credit: Joseph Liu

While on the boat, we were fed the most amazing seafood feasts - crabcakes baked in a crabshell, giant prawns, heaps of clams, fish prepared in a variety of ways. Lunch and dinner were great! Breakfast, however, was a little weird... It was almost like they tried to give us breakfast AND lunch at the same time, but in the wrong order. We were served the following, in this order:
  1. Fries
  2. Chicken
  3. Calamari 
  4. Eggs
  5. Veggies
  6. Fish
  7. Rice
Keep in mind that we got one dish at a time, never knowing what was coming next, and sharing the dishes with everyone at the table. So by the time we got that rice, we were all full and had already finished eating the fish. Pretty ridiculous meal, all around. But, that's okay. It was more than made up for by the awesomeness of the overnight stay in beautiful Halong Bay!

Vietnam: Weather Forecast: 35; feels like: 45

45? That's ridiculously hot.

Hoi An. Definitely my favourite stop on the tour. I loved the less-hectic atmosphere, the shop mentality (rather than the stores of Ho Chi Minh and Hanoi) and the near-empty streets. It still had the authenticity of a Vietnamese village, but without the major hustle and bustle of the major centres. It was possible to wander down a street and be the only one in sight. The buildings were a soft orange colour which made it all seem quite mellow. It was to Vietnam what Victoria is to Vancouver: a city, but one where everything just relaxes slightly and your physical reaction to it is a bit like a big sigh.

I also had my favourite "moment" of the trip. I've been asked quite a few times now what the best thing I did was, and it was this: renting bicycles. After picking them up, all 32 of us set out into the traffic. Thank goodness we did this in Hoi An, as I think half of us might have died if we'd tried to integrate into the traffic of Ho Chi Minh. Finding myself suddenly immersed in the insane world of driving in Asia, I was a little overwhelmed! The rules of the road seem to be as follows:
- the lines on the road (if there are any) are merely suggestions
- if you're driving something (car, tuk tuk, scooter, bicycle, whatever), just honk continuously so that everyone else will get out of your way
- when approaching an intersection, don't bother stopping or even slowing down; again, just honk
- if your horn is broken, or you don't have one, just shout "honk, honk" repeatedly instead
- if you're a pedestrian and you want to cross a street, just put your head down and walk slowly and predictably; assume everyone will weave around you

Yes, I'm serious about this. And yes, there ARE an inordinate number of traffic accidents and vehicle-related deaths every year.

But nonetheless, we dove in. Surprisingly, we all survived (although one guy on the tour later rented a motorized scooter and crashed it into a wall...). The cities in Vietnam aren't very big, so it didn't take us long to get out into the countryside. Here we meandered through rice paddies and stopped to watch a man till his land with a water buffalo and a two-by-four with stakes driven into it.

This is what I love. This is the REAL Vietnam. And this is what it looks like to the locals. Seeing the country this way was infinitely better than viewing it from the air on a plane, or even from the elevated tour buses we drove around in. It's a different perspective and a different experience to get down to ground level and do something the way the locals do. And that's always my favourite part of traveling.

The next morning, we drove out to see the Temple remains at My Son ("mee sawn") On the way, our local guide offered a few tidbits of knowledge. Did you know, for instance, that the local people refer to the highly corrupt police force as "yellow dogs" (so named for the colour of their uniforms)? Or that the rice paddy labourers make about $5 a day? Fascinating stuff!

The temple was quite interesting too. We walked through what's left of these buildings, which were bombed during the war because the Americans believed the area to be a VietCong base. And we learned the male/female duality of Shiva and saw evidence of carvings dedicated as such. We also saw a large number of headless statues - the head is the easiest part of the statue to steal and would have been worth its weight in gold at one time. It's unfortunate that it was so, so, so, so, so HOT that day - all we could really focus on was finding the next bit of shade!

~~~~~

Our next stop on the tour: Hue. Here we got to ride around in cyclos, which was pretty sweet. Basically, we each sat in a little carriage, and a man sat behind us cycling us around the city. A bit like a kabuki cab (for those of you in Victoria), except you're sitting in the front. My driver also pointed out all of the highlights of the city: most notably the pool hall, the preschool and the cinema. Awesome.

At the citadel...well, let's be honest... I got a little bored. So I wandered away from the tour and ended up going on a little mini-adventure with my new friend Jenna. The whole story accompanies the photos on Facebook, but the short version is that we tried to go to as many places we weren't supposed to, tried things on and took pictures we were supposed to pay for, and became pseudo-celebrities while on a mission for international high-fives! Pretty epic.

The costumes we were meant to pay for,

the photo we were meant to pay for,

the place we weren't meant to be,

and the celebrities we were destined to become!

Vietnam: Not what I expected, and nothing like anything I've ever done before!

The first of 6 cities on our 10-day Contiki tour was Ho Chi Minh City (you might know it as Saigon). Here, we met our Tour Leader, Cameron, and the other 29 people who would be traveling with us. About half of those had already been together, and Joe and I were among those to join the group for the last leg of the journey.

On that first night, Cam gave us a bit of an orientation to the culture. The majority of citizens are Buddhist, and as such, there are certain cultural nuances to be aware of. For one, Buddhists consider the head to be the most important part of the body; it's thus really inappropriate to touch anyone's head (which I thought was a weird thing to tell us, until he mentioned kids... oh yes, I see how it would be tempting to rustle a cute little Vietnamese kid's hair). Also, the feet are considered dirty and thus the lowliest part of the body; as such, it is inappropriate to step over someone. The people here are more inclined to wake someone up who is lying in their way, rather than put their feet over them. Part of the reason for this is that it is highly inappropriate to put your feet towards or over an image of Buddha - and you never know, that person you want to step over could have a little Buddha in their pocket.

The Buddhist people also believe in karma, and will do just about anything to please you, especially if you've shown kindness to them. While I'm not a believer in karma myself, I do try and live by the Golden Rule and I can appreciate a culture that values reciprocity of good deeds. The people here are also very concerned with losing face, and will avoid a public confrontation at all costs. Cam told us that if a waitress spills a drink, she will just laugh and laugh and try to make it a joke to avoid the embarrassment of making a mistake so publicly (and yes, we did see this happen a couple of times!).

We really didn't have much time in Ho Chi Min at all, and just did a cursory walk through a Night Market, the Reunification Palace (constructed to celebrate the reunion of North and South Vietnam) and the War Remnants Museum (which was built after the Vietnam War, was incredibly biased, and should really be named the "We Hate the USA" Museum).

But my favourite thing about Ho Chi Min was the kid in the bar who worked his "I'm a cute kid" shtick beautifully. He was entertaining (employing such sales tactics as rock-paper-scissors, bartering for dance moves, and feigned shock at our outrageously low offers for his bracelets). I've got the whole story (brilliantly re-told by Joe and I) on film, so I won't re-tell it here.

What I didn't realize at the time, is that these kids actually have a heartbreaking story. They have bosses to report to, who beat them or turn them back out onto the street if they haven't sold enough or made enough money. The "cute kid" quality is exploited endlessly. This is no life for a child. So I'm torn between not wanting to support this system as a whole, and wanting to prevent this one little Michael Jackson-loving kid from meeting a nasty end at the close of the day. The fact was, I did buy a bracelet. We negotiated and made a deal. And I honoured it when I lost our epic-best-of-five rock-paper-scissors match. But now that I know he had to hand over my money to his boss...I don't know. I haven't yet worked out how I feel about this. All I know is that when I picture him in my head... well, it's the spontaneous "kid" moments I remember - the way his face lit up when I mentioned Michael Jackson, the absent-minded way he played with the money I gave him. Exploitation or not, this was a cute kid with a massive personality.

As for the men on the trip, I'm pretty sure the highlight was the spa massages which offered a "happy ending" - I'll let you work that one out on your own...

~~~~~

The next stop on the tour: Nha Trang. Our day here was spent on a boat, sailing the beautiful coast of Vietnam. Highlight of the day was definitely snorkeling in the clear blue water. I'd forgotten just how much I love to swim - so being able to do this was just amazing for me. It's so peaceful to just dip your head under the water and block out all sound. Just breathe and focus on the fantastically bright fish and coral around you. Joe asked me if I enjoyed it once we got back on the boat... And all I could say was a hearty "YES!" Everything about that experience sums up what I love: being near the water, seeing things from a different perspective, and doing things that are "other than normal."

Another highlight would definitely have to be the "Boy Band" experience. This was talked up all day, so when it was finally time for it to begin, I turned to Cam and told him I was expecting something "epic" ... And EPIC it was!! The crew from our boat (and another) stood up in front of us and got out their instruments (plus their token "lady-boy" vocalist with the coconut bra) and played their hearts out. It. Was. Awesome. After they assured us we were going to see them soon "on MTV", they played their set, which was awesome in a "wow...is this really happening? It is both amazing and hilariously ridiculous at the same time" kind of way. Next, they asked where we were all from, and then proceeded to invite people up to sing a song representing their country. And they could do ANY country... Including the New Zealand Haka and something from Israel!

Next up was the water sports. A few of our new friends (our "Back of the Bus Brigade") and I decided to have a go at the Banana Boat. I'd never even heard of this before, and had certainly never seen it, but I seemed to be the only person who could claim this. For the other uninformed souls like me out there, it's basically a tube that's been stretched out into the shape of a banana; 5 people hold on for dear life (or try to) while being dragged behind a speed boat. It actually ended up being loads of fun (and so was cursing Buckles for continuously trying to flip us).

photo credit: Joseph Liu

photo credit: Joseph Liu

At the end of a long day, we figured there was no better way to relax than by chillin' in the mud baths. Ahhhh....mud. It was lovely, and made our skin feel oh-so-smooth! Finding mud in my ears for days afterwards was decidedly LESS lovely...

photo credit: Allan Wirtz

On our way back, I peppered Cam with questions. He talked about the face masks worn by so many of the locals here, which are donned for a variety of reasons. Given the memory of SARS, I assumed it had something to do with infection, but it's actually got more to do with pollution. People don't want to breathe it in, and women also don't want it to affect the colour and composition of their make-up! They also wear hoodies with long sleeves in the crazy-hot weather because they hate tanned skin - dark skin is associated with the labouring class, who spend all day outdoors in the blazing sun. It's much more desirable to have fair skin, which could mean you're well enough off to work in an office somewhere.

I also asked about the children I saw everywhere running around, late at night. Apparently it's related to the make-up of their homes. There are tons of shops everywhere in these big cities, and the family who owns and runs each one has their house behind or above the store. There's no common living spaces in these small dwellings, so people congregate in the shops or on the streets. That's where the kids play too.

Overheard by a Canadian: Episode 10

A child in Year 2 who heard another child mention Pepsi:

"Pepsi? I don't like Pepsi. Do you know what Pepsi is made from? Bugs. Cockroaches and bugs."


That's real science, people.

Thailand: Anyone looking for a couple of suckers? You found us.

Our one night and day in Bangkok turned out to be busy and HOT. We're talking step-outside-and-your-skin-is-slick-with-sweat-in-about-10-seconds kind of heat. So after wandering around through a couple of market streets we decided to beat the heat by taking a river cruise. This had been recomended to us, and it sounded pretty great, so we paid a slightly-pricey fare (though lower than his original offer - he thought we were bartering when we started walking away, when we really just needed an ATM!). After following the guy through a maze of market stalls, we found ourselves on a dock out the back of a tiny noodle bar. When our boat pulled up we realized we were to be the ONLY people on it, even though its capacity must have been closer to 20. At this point we were more than a little leery about the sketchy-ness of this whole event, but, like good little tourists, we put aside our likely unfounded fears and stepped on the boat. For the next hour, we were driven past houses (all of which were built on stilts due to the seasonal flooding of the river and most of which were about ready to collapse into the water below) and temples (of which there were MANY). I LOVED it. It was great to see how the locals live, and fun to explore the little "alleys" of this part of the city. I think, if this had happened at the end of our 2 weeks in Asia, we wouldn't even be phased by this, but it was pretty shocking when our boat inexplicably slowed to a stop and a woman selling cheap items rowed up to the side and tried to get us to buy something! Welcome to Asia, I guess!! And, as it turned out, it's quite normal to have just 2 people in the boat - there were loads of others that looked just like ours and carried only 2 or 3 people.

After the boat cruise, we decided to check out the Grand Palace. I'd never heard of it before, but it was the biggest thing on the map we got, and had been recommended to us by two different friends, so we figured we'd better go. When we got to the Palace, a man claiming to work there told us it was just closing for prayer and would re-open at 3:30. He helpfully found a tuk tuk driver to take us to a couple of other sites in the city (both of which had free entry) and then bring us back. Great!

...And that's how we got suckered. The driver first took us to a lesser temple (of which there are hundreds) and which WAS, in fact, free. However, as soon as we arrived, we were ushered to a side building and were told to sit in the indicated chairs, in front of a small-size model of what I assumed was the temple grounds. All the while, a pretty fast-talking Thai guy was chatting us up. I was thinking, "if this guy offers us a timeshare, I'm OUTTA HERE!!" In fact, though, he told us some fairly interesting information and then let us wander around and take photos.

When we got back to the tuk tuk, the driver mumbled something about taking us to two places before the Golden Mountain - which is where we were supposed to be taken next. We tried to insist that we just wanted to go to the Mountain, but the language barrier and our inherent Canadian politeness prevented us from being very firm. When he stopped and told us to go into a shop, I tried again to refuse. But he said something about staying only 5 minutes, so we obliged him. Until we walked into the shop. I took one step in (Joe hadn't even had time to follow me through the door yet), saw that it was a massive tourist-trap-jewellery shop, and turned straight back around again.

Needless to say, the driver was NOT pleased. He tried to tell us that he gets petrol coupons if we stay for 5 minutes, so when he pulled up in front of the SECOND unscheduled stop, we tried to just pay him off so we could keep driving. But he claimed we'd have to give him 200 Thai baht (keeping in mind this whole roundabout journey was costing 40), we resigned ourselves to spending a very unhappy 5 minutes inside the tailors.

Which we did.

And then Joe bought something.

Haha... I couldn't believe it! Oh well, it was cheap!

When the driver tried to drive us to a THIRD place, I was sick of being taken advantage of and swindled. So I put my foot down and demanded he take us to the Golden Mountain. I was ready for some free sightseeing with no strings attached, darn it!! So he finally gave in and drove us straight there.

Are you ready for this?

It was by donation. And the collectors were standing there, guarding the entrance... so you couldn't really not pay something.

Are you freakin' KIDDING me?

We were tired and fed up. Straight back down the mountain and into the tuk tuk. It was dang near enough 3:30 so we insisted he take us back to the Grand Palace.

When we got there, it was time to pay. "40?" I confirmed (this was clearly what we agreed to at the outset - it was even WRITTEN on our map. "50." Dude. You're seriously going to try and negotiate this? So not happening. "40." [Insert stern-Ms.Chorney-you-are-not-getting-away-with-anything voice here] I'm sorry, what's that? You don't have change for a 50. Of course you don't. Yeah, yeah, we'll take all your little change and call it good enough. Good grief.

So, exhausted and frustrated and mostly just amused ('cause how could you NOT be after all that?), we finally approached the Grand Palace, donned our extra clothes (it's respectful and thus necessary to wear long pants and sleeves), and approached the ticket counter.

only to find out that... Not only was it NOT closed in the afternoon, but it was actually CLOSING at 4:30!! We'd been swindled from the start...

The Grand Palace is, without contest, the most ostentatiously decorated collection of buildings I've ever seen. Every surface of every wall and ceiling has been attacked by some ruler with a serious bedazzled addiction. There was gold everywhere. Everything was over-sized and over-sparkled. Crazy. As someone else mentioned, you could take the jewels off one wall and feed the country for a year (or fix a couple of those about-to-collapse houses we'd seen on the river cruise).

Leaving the Grand Palace and wandering around the streets again, we decided we were far too hot and exhausted by this point to spend the afternoon checking out cookie-cutter temples (besides, after the Palace, what could be impressive anymore?). So we headed back to the Hostel for a little siesta; on the way, I experienced my first "welcome to Thailand..." moment - I got hit by a scooter! It was just a little brush of his mirror on my arm (don't worry, Mom! no major injuries!), but it was still quite shocking and, I suppose, bound to happen at some point. Driving in SE Asia is insane. While Joe slept, I reflected on the day and what we'd seen. This is a country with an entirely different way of life from ours. Everything they do is affected by the climate and the social environment - the way they dress, travel, eat and act. I find it fascinating how all of these things are connected.

We couldn't leave Bangkok without having a few more "when we were in Thailand" moments, so we headed back to Khao San Road in the evening. The most amusing part of the night was definitely the live music at the bar we chose for a drink. I picked that particular bar because there was a dude playing a guitar; what I didn't realize (and didn't even hear until it was pointed out to me) was that, even though he was singing English rock/pop songs, he'd clearly learned them phonetically. So he was singing most of the correct consonants... but when you really listened to it, it was mostly jibberish. As Joe commented, it was just like how all English people sing "La Bamba" - no one actually knows the words, but we all just make things up that kind of sound like they could be right!

We also enjoyed a nice little (and ridiculously cheap) Thai massage, a fish pedicure (Joe had one that night, and I did it on our last day) and....let's see... anything else? Oh, that's right.

We ate crickets.

They were very crunchy, mostly just tasted like the spices they'd been cooked with, and the little legs and antennae got stuck in your teeth. But you know what? They weren't bad. Not bad at all.

Got nothing to do today? Hey Joe, feel like hopping on a plane and heading to Thailand & Vietnam??

My standard joke. I know, I know... I really need some new material...

I actually couldn't believe we were leaving already. My life had been really busy for the previous month, and the 2-week trip to Thailand and Vietnam had really snuck up on me. For the previous few days I'd been rushing around London picking up an extra memory card for my camera, a jacket and various "just-in-case" drugs. I packed the day we left.

But, as things do, it all came together and Joe and I were off on our adventure! I have to admit, I was a little nervous. I was conscious of being in an entirely new part of the world for me, I was hoping we'd have a good group, and I was REALLY hoping the foreign food wouldn't make my system freak out. but I tried to just sit back and relax and let it all happen. As it turned out, being in a new part of the world was AMAZING, we did have a great group of people on our tour... And my stomach DID freak out. Every single day. And that's enough detail about that.

It took us 14 hours of flying (including a couple of hours in the Delhi airport) to reach Thailand. Our Contiki tour didn't start until a couple of days later in Vietnam, so we had a night and a day to explore Bangkok on our own. Airports always equals good people-watching (I'll NEVER understand how women can travel wearing heels... my feet swell so much from all that sitting I refuse to travel in anything but flip flops!), and we started off the trip with a few adventures of our own.

For one, Joe had a habit of not being given things (that should have been given, and that I received). Like a fork at the airport restaurant. Or a meal on the plane. Or a tomato on his salad. All of which he got eventually (either by asking for them or stealing them from me), but it was still rather comical.

We were also quite amused by the various levels of security in the multiple airports we visited. At Heathrow, the security guard half-heartedly waved me through the metal detector, then got distracted and didn't even look at me (or the detector) as I walked through. I don't think my passport was ever checked in London either. But in Delhi, every single passenger's passport was checked no less than FOUR times; clearly, this airport is a model of efficiency... But the best part was being "disinfected" - as the plane began its descent, flight attendants walked up each aisle spraying something out of tiny aerosol cans that was supposed to purify the air and the passengers. Yikes. Not sure how I feel about having to breathe that in...

By the time we touched down in Bangkok, I was pretty excited. It still didn't really feel REAL (and I didn't really hit "vacation mode" for another few days), but it WAS exciting to BE THERE. A taxi took us into the city, which was an experience in itself. First off, we had pre-paid for the cab at the airport. But then we went through a toll booth and had to hand over more money to pay for it. And then another one. We were getting a little concerned we might be getting seriously scammed at this point, but the driver assured us that had been the last one. Whew!

Looking out the windows at the darkening city, I was surprised (and excited) to see a school bus full of kids with all of the windows open and heads and arms waving out into the night (that's how HOT it was at NIGHT - and no air con on the bus, apparently). I also saw a taxi with its trunk filled with suitcases - and tied down with bungee cords! Classy. I think, though, that my favourite thing about the drive was that the driver kindly found an English radio station for us to listen to... too bad the talk-radio program was all about eye cataracts and skin damage caused by UV rays! Not gonna lie... kind of a buzz kill.

Khao San Road - the busy market street (for tourists).
Get your "Little Miss Jihad" t-shirt, your cheap Thai massage and fish pedicure,
and eat some delicious street pad thai
- all in one place!

I have so many stories to tell from this trip. It was, as Joe likes to call it, "the trip of a lifetime." I have never done anything like this, been on a trip like this before, or seen a country like this before. It was amazing. Vietnam is so green and lush and beautiful - I don't really know what I had pictured, but it certainly wasn't this. And Bangkok was so ... alive! So much happening, so many things moving at the same time. It was a rush just to be a part of it. So much so that we went back into the city on our way home (to kill the 9-hour layover). We didn't even really do anything new; we just figured if we had a chance to be a part of that again... why not?

There will be several (probably 4) more posts about this trip... there's just so much to tell! Stay tuned for the first one (mostly about how we got big-time SCAMMED in Bangkok!)!!